Silence

I've been trying to stay quiet these days.

I'm still working, still doing my physio too. My symptoms are mostly stable, but I've found that my numb fingers change to numb hands when I am tired or angry.

My hands, I don't like them when they are angry.

I've taken on a few hours a week doing administrative/research tasks for a friend with a small but growing business.

I'm trying to write a lot and failing.
I'm trying to stitch a lot and failing.
I'm trying to get my house back to the level of organization that it was before I got sick and failing.

I've lost three pounds since I started eating more than once a day.

I've started lifting light weights and walking for 30 minutes on my lunch hour.

I will lose 15 lbs before my cousin's wedding if it drives me crazy to do it.

I was called a "cripple" on the bus for walking too well with a cane. There was more to it than that, and I showed incredible restraint by not beating the woman senseless with my cane.

Crazy

My brainz don't feel so good.

The physical symptoms are easy to ignore these days, but having a thought or memory is becoming increasingly difficult.

Apparently, there's nothing they can do... I just have teh dum.

I'm pretty sure that this is now the worst thing about MS now that the fatigue isn't an issue. I find it difficult to live like this and be at all interested in life or the world around me.

I am seriously considering giving up the news and my twitter account because I can't think logically or critically about the world around me. I can't focus long enough to read more than a few paragraphs out of a book. I can't put coherent sentences together; often putting different tenses and switching from the first person to the third person and back again in the same sentence or paragraph. I'm so tired of feeling stupid all the fucking time.