Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Auld Lang Syne

I like New Years. For one minute the future days are laid out before me like a field of untouched, virginal white snow...

then somebody’s dog takes a shit on it, an inebriated reveler barfs on it and some drunk girl throws herself to the ground, crying over some undeserving boy...

...*THAT* minute is perfectly hopeful; absolutely percolating with possibility.

I used to have the following resolutions every single year:

1. Drink a case of bourbon a month.
2. Smoke 3 packs a day.
3. Gain 30 lbs.
4. Develop a heroin habit
5. Default on my Visa payments.

I certainly failed by noon January 1. I would be content in knowing it was a better thing NOT to have gone through with what I had resolved to do and I would just carry on my merry way through the following year.

I have never really had a goal. With no real talents on which to build a life and being more interested in rejecting reality and substituting my own, setting goals beyond “Don’t be late for work tomorrow” or “Go get a haircut on Saturday” has proved… challenging.

I have never had a life goal or a plan – I just sort of rolled with the experiences and opportunities that presented themselves.

(This is how I ended up married – both times.)
(This is how I ended up living with drag queens.)
(In fact, this is how I ended up in every place I have ever lived.)
(This is also how I ended up in every job I have ever had.)

(I think you get the point.)

I have spent most of 2010 trying to figure out my future… what will I be doing and where will I be when I find myself?

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