I'm really bad at this.

Finding the balance between Routine and Excitement is what drives me absolutely nuts.

***

The heat and humidity make me very fucking cranky.

***

Nothing is going like I planned. That isn't contributing to my sunny disposition either.

***

I have a pending friend request on Facebook but I'm really afraid that I've forgotten that we had sex at some point in my ancient history and there will be hurt feelings like there was the last time I accepted a friend request from someone I had sex with in high school and didn't remember.

But I'm pretty sure that I didn't have sex with this person. Like 95-99% sure that I didn't.

***

Listen, if you're reading this and we had sex just once at some point between 1988 and 1999, I probably don't remember. If we had sex more than once, then yeah, I probably do remember that it happened. If I ever told you I loved you, then yes, I couldn't forget if I wanted to, but I don't remember specifics.

(Yes, specifics have come up. Yes, feelings were hurt when I didn't remember. What you people expect from a 40 year old brain that endured a history of substance abuse and demyelination, I have no fucking idea.)

***

I used to love summer. I can't be the only person with MS who now just fucking loathes the season?

I really hate summer. It's not even July yet and all I want is spring to just hurry up and get here. Give me 15 degrees and overcast! That's my happy place!

Seriously.

Someone is going to get a nastily worded letter if I don't soon find three steady clients.

***

Multiple expletives AND some bonus blasphemy. I promise.

***

I'm kind of phoning this one in because I have other stuff I should be doing. Like showering, and figuring out what I'm going to do tomorrow, and getting stuff done tonight that makes tomorrow morning easier.

I generally love being a grown up, but trying to maintain a basic level of competence is exhausting.

***

It's 10:39 PM and its starting to feel like I woke up for no reason at 7 AM. Which is what I did, because brain and because someone told me that drinking a half liter of water before bed was a great thing to do because it acts like "an internal, bodily alarm clock". Which would have been great if that alarm hadn't gone off 2 hours after I went to bed, and then I never really got back to sleep after that.

***

You know what convinced me that evolution was real? The human body is totally fucking inefficient.

Intelligent design would have created us without the need to expel waste. I'm convinced of this.

Stupid bladder.

Meaningful work

I'm trying to be self-employed.

It's not going well.

I have two great clients that I love. If they had more paid work for me, I would work for them forever.

I have one client that makes me want to run away.

I have one client that doesn't really know what they want.

I have one client that doesn't actually want to pay me unless what I do for her allows her to make money, and the money making venture is terrible.

None of this is particularly lucrative, either.

So...

Do I find a doctor and get written off on disability for the rest of my life?

Given the way I feel most days, it seems like a good option.

***

Marketing tips for a personal service business also welcome.

Moved

On Saturday, I think I did the equivalent of a month of Stairmaster and Joe did the equivalent of 6 months of Stairmaster.

The heat kept me from doing much stair climbing, but the 50 meter walk from the apartment to the stairway back and forth did me in more than a couple of times. My calves are so tight right now, stepping up and over the side of the tub to have a shower is a feat of pain tolerance.

I think we'll like our new apartment.The landlord is a swell guy. The neighbourhood hasn't been gentrified yet, so we've still got a lot of broke white people and a possible probable drug dealer in the basement. But other than the screaming kids in the neighbourhood, it's a lot like the old neighbourhood in that there are drunk people yelling outside for no reason on Saturday night. I just think the one's here are older than the ones at our old place.

I don't know where any of my clothes are and I have a client meeting in an hour.

I have hangers and hope.