HAPPY FREE AGENCY DAY, EVERYBODY!

HAPPY FREE AGENCY DAY, EVERYBODY!

Now, a moment of silence for the recently traded and those signed by Florida, Calgary, Buffalo, and Edmonton.

There is no hockey until October. I haz sad.

***

This 30+C heat and humidity is REALLY starting to piss me off. Spousal Unit took some time last evening to install the AC unit in the hole in the wall provided for such things. That has cooled down the living room, my office and the kitchen, but the bedroom and bathroom are still saunas.

Spousal Unit and I also have an ongoing debate on what temp our (US made) AC unit should be set to.

I say between 72-74F. He says between 65-70F.

He is wrong.

***

My birthday is in 12 days. I don't think I have enough booze in the house to forget that.

Though this milestone birthday year is going SO MUCH better than the last milestone birthday year.

***

Next two weeks are going to be full of introspection, writing, thinking, thinking about writing, writing about thinking, and trying to figure out where all of this is going. Deciding on where I want to be in a year. In 1 to 2 years. In 5 years. When and how I want to die.

You know, birthday-related panic and angst. Big whup.

Wish me luck.

Being a Dick in Public

I fat shamed someone today.

I had my reasons for wanting this person to feel bad; mainly that once upon a time this person made me feel bad, and I wanted them to feel bad about themselves in the exact same way.

But that's not cool. No matter what my reasons were, fat shaming is not cool. No matter that I didn't even think of it as fat shaming at the time, fat shaming is still not cool.

I was a dick in public. That's not cool.

I had no right to shame someone for their body. It was not right. I really do know better than that.

I will do better.

***

I sometimes think that all the therapy I paid for and the Provinces of Ontario and BC paid for didn't work as well as I would have liked.

Hockey Day In Canada has brought up a whole lot of unpleasant memories and recollections that I thought I had dealt with and taken care of. I guess I need to look at that stuff again.

Or not. Maybe it's best to just let sleeping dogs lie.

Hockey Day In Canada

The only game I want to watch tomorrow doesn't start until 4 PM, but the CBC's Hockey Day In Canada proceedings are happening in my birthplace, Peterborough, ON.

My hometown is where I learned about hockey.

My dad knew Roger Neilson.

I still hate the Philadelphia Flyers because of how they treated him.

Hockey and I have a checkered past, but I love the game. I love the people who play it. It took me years of therapy to get to that point. I don't expect you to understand.

***

If you don't like hockey, watch this instead.

15 days

I have 15 days to find a job or we have to seriously reconsider our continued Vancouver residency.

My husband has never been unemployed this long except for when he was a full-time student.

I haven't been out of work this long since recovering from my first MS attack.

Things are terrifying for us. I'm trying to figure out what I can differently, but I am not sure what that is.

I'm going to maintain the basics over the next two weeks, but I am going to be far less social, far less fun, and far less interested in anything that isn't employment related.

***

I cry every single day. For at least an hour. I've been trying to do it while Joe is at math class or while he's sleeping.

***

Tomorrow is the first Habs v. Bruins meeting of the truncated season. Thanks TSN for airing it.

Clueless

Joe and I both had opportunities to explore gainful employment today. Neither of us have any idea if the jobs we interviewed for are going to end up with paycheques any time soon.

***

Had an online reunion of sorts today. That was interesting.

***

Tomorrow there's hockey on TSN that I actually want to watch! Sorry New York Islanders at Pittsburgh, but you ain't my thing.

***

I cut back on how much tea I drank today and now I want to got to bed at 6:30 PM.

That would be a dumb idea.

I suspect most days that my ability to function in the world is based on my ability to carefully balance my caffeine to blood ratio.

Sometimes...

... when you tell someone (or a series of someones) *exactly* what you want, someone says,

"Hey, I might have something like that. Come in and talk to me in the morning."

So I'm going to do that in the morning.

***

And then you realize you've left the stove on low for more than an hour.

Because you're SMART LIKE TRACTOR.

***

I'm so happy hockey is back.

Stating the Obvious

***

Team Purple is in the playoffs, even though the Ravens lost, and the Steelers and Patriots won today. 1-3, but everybody is playing next week. Joe even got good news because his childhood favourites, the Bengals, won today and his most hated team since childhood, the Cowboys, were eliminated.

***

I am so excited to be rid of this year. I am giddy like a school girl.

***

I miss hockey a lot. If there isn't a resolution in the next few days, all is lost.

Steve Stamkos is still butt ugly.

Submitted Without Comment

IKEA monkey: Stylish primate charms Toronto shoppers

These two photos accurately demonstrate the contents of my brain. Hopefully I'm back to sleep within the next 90 minutes.

***

Purple was 1-1 today. Pittsburgh had their asses handed to them and the Patriots don't play until tomorrow.

***

World Juniors start in 16 days! YAY! I don't know if I am going to stay up or wake up early to watch Canada's first game against Germany at 1:30 AM PST. I hate when the tournament is in Russia.

Music to my Ears

So, I'm having this symptom with my hearing. If something is too loud my ears start popping like I've just descended 20,000 feet. I will also get a shooting pain if a sound is too high; like cymbals, babies crying or laughing, and whistles.

I think I have to get this checked out, because it's been going on for a couple of months.

As a result I've been avoiding music. Since like August.

I don't like Mumford and Sons, or that guy who sings "Home", so I don't feel like I've missed any music of significance.

If I am wrong, please let me know.

***

Purple was 1-1 today. Teams I hate were 1-1 today.

I miss hockey. So very much. Too bad the NHL does NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ITS FANS.

Junior hockey, the 1978 Stanley Cup final and the 2002 Men's Olympic Ice Hockey gold medal game are just not cutting it.

I need me some Max Pacioretty, PK Subban and Carey Price. So. Very. Much.

***

I'm hungry, I have no hockey, Aaron Rodgers is losing, there's nothing good on television, and I'm tired of working on website stuff.

I should get someone to solve the hungry problem.

Not inspired

Purple was 1-1 this weekend. Minnesota won and Baltimore lost.

The four things that need to happen for a successful NFL weekend. Purple needs to win and the Patriots and Steelers need to lose. If the Steelers lose this game (Go Bengals!) then my weekend will be 2-2.

***

I miss hockey.

***

I have five x-stitch projects that just need finishing into greeting cards, fridge magnets or pillows but that's the part that sucks and isn't any fun so they're just sitting unfinished. I have the best of intentions to do that tomorrow, but I am sure that something will come up.

***

I have a spreadsheet of all the materials I have available for x-stitching. Next weekend I am making a white glitter star fridge magnet, and starting a set of 3 or four glitter backed magnets according to my spreadsheet. I have six days to think about it. 

Or not.

***

The NFL has stolen my heart. I don't follow US college football because I reject organized religion.

***

I had two phone interviews last week. I have no idea how they went. I have a job search group meeting on Tuesday, all day.

yay...

I still hate looking for a job.

***

Somebody give me some inspiration. No Gandhi quotes or pics of kittens or flowers, please.

Working

It has happened again. I am back in this job that nearly drove me to the edge of sanity and after two months of work it's clear that I am getting back in that rut.

I don't want that. I also don't want to stop getting paid until I find some other way to support myself.

So... serious job search starts tomorrow. I will find the job that will be perfect for me for the next 20 to 22 months before we go back east when Joe finishes school.

I will do it because I made a choice a year ago to change my life, and started putting that plan into effect the day after my birthday. I've been focusing on making healthier choices for my physical body since then, and in a couple of weeks I was going to start focusing on putting together a nice home for us. With my realization that my brain is spinning out of control I'm going to move up the career/job change I was going to put off until the new year.

***

A-Rod wuz ROBBED! But day-um that S'Hawks defence was amazing.

***

If you love me you will bid enough money to win me this. Or you could just BuyItNow for me.

Thanks.

The Best of Intentions

I have to be awake and dressed and on public transit in 9.5 hours. I need to find some sleepiness in order to do that.

Sleep and I have an adversarial relationship. On occasion we work together for the common good, but mostly Sleep is a cold and brutal tyrant who wants to drive me insane by withholding its affections and presence in my life. Not sure how its going to go tonight.

***

I've decided that I am going to be a fan of the purple NFL teams. Minnesota is my NFC team and Baltimore is my AFC team and I will now spend the remainder of the National Hockey League lockout learning everything I have ever wondered about American football.

***

"Tim Tebow's throwing arm is PROOF there is no god."

***

I had intended to make this post awesome, but I have apparently been using up all my awesome on an essay piece I've been working on for almost a week.

Sorry

I haz a sad.

There will be no hockey in Hockeyville.

My dad says no hockey until Christmas. I've known this for months, but I didn't really want to believe it.

2005 was a terrible winter. I'm surprised I didn't take up with the NFL then. I don't want to go through that again.

I think Gary Bettman is an asshole and a detriment to the game.

I think the owners need to realize that they will make $0 from hockey games if there is no hockey. Most billionaires don't like to lose out on revenue.

I also think that the players deserve more than 50% of the revenue because without them... there is no revenue. THAT, to quote Bill Clinton - Secretary of Explaining Shit, is just arithmetic.

That said, I'm not going to quibble about how much more than 50% the players deserve. That's Donald Fehr's job.

I miss hockey so much. June was so long ago, and now... now it seems even further away.

Sad.

"Hockey players wear numbers because you can’t always identify the body with dental records."

Duh da duddada - Duh da dadada

Duh Dah DaDaDaDa - DAH DAH DAH DAAAHHH

DUH DA DA DAH DADA!

(your transcription may vary)

Now that summer is here (we hope) my biological clock is confused about my desire to spend a Saturday evening indoors watching hockey. My team’s been golfing for weeks, but the team of my adopted home is in the Stanley Cup final. (Game 3 is live from Boston as I type.) Watching the lifers and long suffering Canuckistanians get into it and celebrate has been inspiring.

I haven’t watched a Stanley Cup final with such interest in years. (18 to be exact - but who’s counting, other than every Montreal Canadiens fan in the world.)

Some of my earliest family memories - vague as they are - involve church-hockey-euchure on a Saturday night. I have quoted The Theme Formerly Known as the Hockey Night in Canada Song above. I am pretty sure that I could name that tune in two beats.

I know all of the words of the Star Spangled Banner - not because I’m the wife of a patriotic American, but because I was once a 5 or 6 or 7 year old Canadian who happened to watch or overhear a LOT of hockey. When I was a kid I thought that O Canada and the US anthem were just one long song. They just reversed the verses for what city they were playing in.

What’s weird is that there were certainly no classes or tutorials on this stuff - I just know it. I know at some point someone taught me the icing and offside rules but I don’t recall when or by
whom I was told. I suppose it was my dad, but it could have been an uncle or a family friend.

Just as I do not have a memory of not being able to read, I don’t remember not knowing about hockey. I don’t remember, even in my surly-anti-establishment-queer-community days, ever turning down the opportunity to watch a game.

Even as I write this the TFKatHNICS is ringing in my ears. That song is as much a part of my identity as my eye colour or where I was born. I have so few specific memories of my past anymore that I cling to whatever vague assurance I can get from my past.



The Canucks killed me tonight. My hatred of the Bruins is greater than my love of Vancouver. I am taking this humiliating loss a little more personally than I should.

Turn my sorrow into treasured gold...

I'm trying to change. Still.

The past couple of months have been a lot about just trying to find the energy to get through my day. 10 days away from work seems to have helped. 9 days being reminded of where I came from and recalling how I ended up where I am now has been emotional and at times difficult but probably what I needed.

I am hoping that the last half of this year brings more change.

The future starts now. I know that. I've probably always known that.

Oh, and in case you were wondering... it is not enough for the Canucks to win.

Boston.
Must.
DIE.

DIE!

My MS backpack.

I wanted to do a blog post about it, but it hasn't arrived yet.



Other than that I'm busy with hockey and hoping against hope that the HRT fixes my Premature Ovarian Failure soon.