Monday, January 31, 2011

1st Management Commentary for Month One of Fiscal Year

On resolution 1. of the Resolution of the Sole Shareholder of LVK Ventures Inc. progress has been remarkable. The shareholder has managed to not only make appointments, but arrive on time to them. She did not cancel a single appointment no matter how (potentially) unpleasant the appointment might have been.

This month, the shareholder made it to a bladder function test, a waxing appointment, a gynecologist appointment and a hair appointment.

Management looks forward to February's appointments - sewing lesson, a urologist appointment, a Meat Beat Manifesto concert, a psychiatrist appointment, a follow up appointment with the gynecologist, and the shareholder's third waxing appointment in as many months.

On resolution 2. art practice output was operating at or near capacity for 26 days out of 31.

On resolution 3. stationary biking happened 25 out of 31 days.

On resolution 4. the shareholder gave up the will to live three times in 31 days, by eating McDonald's once and KFC two times.

Management is overjoyed by the progress made on resolution 5. A goal of 250 words per day was set and output was a stellar average of 318 words per day. 9857 words were written in the month with 5,996 of them deemed to be usable or re-workable in a current project.

If output continues on this level in February and March, the output goal for Q2 will be revised.

On resolution 6. this post still doesn't count toward my daily and monthly totals. Lazy Brain is reportedly less bitter about this.

Lazy Brain also needs much less reminding about resolution 7. and is okay most days with the non-cumulative nature of the accounting. Except for the day they wrote 1093 words, LB was pretty bitchy about not taking the next day off.

The sole shareholder continues to engage in resolution 8. This is part of the reason why she is taking sewing lessons on Wednesday.

In the spirit of resolution 9. current productivity levels are to be maintained at minimum and increased where possible. To this end the sole shareholder has deemed that February will be 28 Day Bootcamp Challenge month to try to lose this 15 extra pounds her old scale didn't tell her she had.

We look forward to tracking next months progress with shiny stars on an Anne Taintor wall calendar. That month's theme:

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Stupid is as stupid does

I am making the stupidest mistakes.

I have an obsessive attention to detail gene and MS has broken it. I can barely think, let alone think critically or logically. My brain is a mess, my attention span shot and I'm missing errors that used to stand out to me like a neon sign.

I have a psychiatrist appointment in a couple of weeks. I wonder if it is worth having a look at. I just know that I am failing at my job because my brain is failing me.

I am so fucking tired of MS stealing things from me.

Is it not bad enough that it's stolen my looks, my ability to move properly or regularly, my fun and my ability to do something more challenging with my life? It has to steal my brain too?

FUCK YOU MS! Fuck you right in the ear.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Where I am at.

This land like a mirror turns you inward
And you become a forest in a furtive lake;
The dark pines of your mind reach downward,
You dream in the green of your time,
Your memory is a row of sinking pines.

Explorer, you tell yourself this is not what you came for
Although it is good here, and green;
You had meant to move with a kind of largeness,
You had planned a heavy grace, an anguished dream.

But the dark pines of your mind dip deeper
And you are sinking, sinking, sleeper
In an elementary world;
There is something down there and you want it told.

— Gwendolyn MacEwen - "Dark Pines Under Water," The Shadow Maker (1972)

(emphasis mine)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


I haz dem. (pops out a pdf)

That may have been one of the most humiliating experiences of my life, and I went to some really stupid house parties in high school.

MS causes all manner of old lady problems. I could only have one cup of tea today, so now I am barely conscious.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Gl*tterB*tches Are BACK!

Be the first to donate to my MS Walk team!

Or be the first to donate to me!

(This isn't the last you're hearing about this.)

(I promise.)

(If you were on my team, you could harass your own friends with this instead of being harassed by me.)


I don't really have anything else to talk about that isn't unspeakably boring.

Monday, January 3, 2011


I could deal with having MS much better if it didn't take away my balance and weaken my left leg, thus rendering me unable a) to wear a pair of high heels and b) to justify the purchase of a pair of Fluevog Grand Nationals. In red. "Pony" hair.

Seriously... this is the loss of ability I mourn more and more as time goes on.

Today's Earworm

Saturday, January 1, 2011



WHEREAS LVK VENTURES INC. is a fictional extra-provincially registered corporation headquartered in British Columbia, Canada;

AND WHEREAS the sole shareholder, LVK, acting as the only legally recognized adult that resides in her head has declared that she is “sick of this shit”;

AND WHEREAS sometimes the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that the sole shareholder establishes the following guidelines for the year 2011:

1. The sole shareholder will make and keep all personal appointments, either health or mental health related, in a timely and proactive basis. These appointments include and not limited to:
a) Doctors, and other health care professionals;
b) Hair stylists; and
c) Estheticians.

2. Complete one hour of visual art practice each day, which will almost always be limited to the completion of counted cross-stitch works, usually including profanity.

3. Ride the stationary bike for 20 minutes each day, 7 days a week and preferably in the morning, and walk for 20 minutes each lunch hour on scheduled work day when a one hour lunch break is in place.

4. Practice mindful eating, realizing that when the mind says “mass produced take out” what it is really saying is “You’ve lost the will to live, because that ain’t food.”

5. Write a minimum two hundred-fifty (250) words a day, even if that means typing, scribbling, writing in flowing long-hand, or printing with the left hand the words “I have to write 250 words today” over and over and over again.

6. This resolution of the sole shareholder does not count toward that total. Though her lazy brain thinks that it should because it’s now well over 275 words.

7. To irritate lazy brain, the amount is not cumulative. That is, the overage in a daily word count one day does not allow that overage to be counted toward the 250 word count of the next day. So take that, bitchy lazy brain.

8. The sole shareholder is to kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight.

9. This resolution shall be revisited daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and annually to ensure that adjustments are made for the health and capacity of the sole shareholder to act upon them.

Signed, Sealed and Delivered
on this 1st day of January,
2011 in the presence of: (original signed)
The people on the internet
reading this. Love you all.