It is December. It's around this time of year that I start pawing through my notes, scribblings, ranting and ravings of the past 11 months to see what I was thinking, where I was hoping to be at this time, and discover just how miserably I have failed myself.
December is like a month of Mondays.
I came within three breaths of quitting my job today to go and file a human rights complaint. This man is clearly out of his element in the modern world. While I generally respect my elders, I do not respect anyone who screams and yells when they don't like what they are being told - like the truth is some sort of conspiracy designed by lazy, incompetent people to keep him from having what he wants. I have had two double vodkas, a lovely meal of lobster ravioli and my Habs won 5-1 over the Devils but still my heart is pounding under a chest so heavy it feels as though a small child is standing on it.
The good news is tomorrow is Friday. Saturday I have brow, hair and nail appointments. I only need to buy two more gifts and I am done shopping. Joe is buying his own present and taking care of his dad's present. I am in charge of my mum, his mum and my dad. My Sunday trip to GotCraft? should take care of our collective mums. Mmm, crafts.
Since we only have to buy 4 gifts, xmas ain't that complicated or even expensive around here. Since I don't believe in god, there's no tree, decorations or cards either. Just Chinese food on xmas day. My favourite seasonal song is "Dick in a Box", for the record.
This post doesn't really have an ending.
God has absolutely nothing to do with a tree and tacky decorations hun, I love that shit. I wear my Grinch converse high-tops and my pewter Santa bell necklace and I just act like a fucking dweeb from Thanksgiving through the New Year.
ReplyDeleteQuestion: could the Wellbutrin be causing your heart rate to increase? I took it years ago and loved it, but quickly developed an allergic reaction so I had to stop. I'm pretty sure I was on a lower dose than you are but I do remember feeling kind of speedy. Just sayin'.
The anxiety causes the heart pounding. The only side effect of Wellbutrin I have found is that I have to take the dose first thing in the morning or I can't sleep at night.
ReplyDeleteI hate the anxiety, but I think I hate the drugs to treat it more.
Aren't you just sick and effing tired of drugs to treat one thing having side effects actually worse than the original issue?
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