Fabulous

I treated myself to a one bit of household fabulousness in honour of my present housewifery.

I BOUGHT A FABULOUS APRON FROM GRAMMA MAY HANDICRAFTS ON etsy.com!

It is well made, sturdy, machine washable (in cold) and can be tumble dried on normal.

It's perfect, matches my household gloves, and looks great with pearls.

"Gramma May" is located in lovely Steveston, BC and she offers local pick-up! At $50, her aprons are a steal.

Mine is in a super cute black with cupcakes print and pink trim and bows. Here's some detail.

If you too have a June Cleaver alter-ego, you need a Gramma May apron. I feel like my life is now closer to complete.

I Got Nuthin'

In my efforts (?) to have some sort of routine that keeps me off the sofa and requires me to get dressed every day I have set a writing schedule. Sometimes I post what's up on my blog and other days I file it away in my notes for my future memoir. (Though the term "memoir" seems a little grandiose given how it is presently structured.)

I went through my notes and there's nothing from them that I feel is interesting enough to share and my life as late has been in the dictionary definition of "uneventful".

Nothing funny has happened.
Nothing ironic.
Nothing exciting, other than a phone interview for a job I really want, has happened.

I have clean laundry and food for dinner.

What do you have?

Roots

When I am unemployed I start hanging out on Ancestry.ca. I've had some breakthroughs with the most difficult side of my tree. (Other than when Miss Smith married Mr. Jones and daughter Jones then married Mr. Brown) Finding out your great-great grandfather probably drank himself to death isn't a great feeling. I have figured out from Google that a cause of death of "phthisis and gastritis" is usually linked to "unrepentant drunkenness".

Figuring out that's why your grandfather never knew his grandfather and why his father never talked about him is sad.

I continue my search for the person I look like.


Today is Mother's Day. I called my mum to thank her for giving birth to me. She said "Oh, you're welcome."

YAY4Mums!

Straddling Worlds

Nicole over at My New Normals said something that felt like a kick in the shins:

I just have to believe that by just having it, it doesn’t diminish who I am.

I think this all the time. It goes something like this:

If I am sick I am worthless.
If I am unable to pull my own weight I am worthless.
If I am incapable of doing it (whatever it is) I am worthless.

So I work extra hard at being normal so you won't notice when I'm not.

I am fortunate that I still "pass" in the abled world. I can walk pretty far. I can still grasp things. My cognitive skills aren't what they used to be, but I'm still pretty sharp. My sense of humour is as black as ever. I do okay.

Sometimes I have to act "as if" I am abled and do things that trick you into thinking I'm okay. I'll make an excuse to stop for something to drink or eat so we can sit down. I'll tell you I'm running a bit late when I really just had a hard time buttoning up my shirt so I switched outfits. I'll leave early just in case where I am going ends up being further than I expected and I might have to stop along the way if I am dressed to warmly.

It's just little stuff that most people never consider, and quite frankly I'm not sure I care if they ever do. Why would you consider the accommodations I have to make to live in a world where people do all the same stuff I do with no accommodation?

That said, I really am doing okay. As long as I can keep steady hours, eat and sleep on a schedule and stay cool I can pretty much do what every single other person in this city can do.

Except walk in a straight line, do up buttons and work a touchscreen with the tips of my fingers.

Thanks for the inspiration, Nicole. I enjoy your new normals.

Battles

I'd like to think that multiple sclerosis doesn't have something personal against me. I hate it, but I'm pretty sure that we're not in a fight with each other. My relationship with MS is not a battle. I will not defeat it, just as it will not defeat me. It's a disease doing what it is programmed to do. To call it a fight or a battle or a struggle against some sort of oppressor is to make MS out to be some kind of third world dictator with a huge sense of entitlement and delusions of grandeur.

If (When) I get sick again it will not be because I didn't fight hard enough or because I did not think positively enough or because I didn't go to Poland for "Liberation" or because I didn't go gluten and fat free or any of the other 15 to 20 other "Cures" that have been presented to me in the past three years.

It will be because I have a disease that is programmed to disable me. To grant it human feelings or actions is to, in my opinion, make light of the seriousness of what MS can do to me.

You can't reason, negotiate or put MS into exile or eject it from the community. Doing what is suggested by my healthcare team and taking the daily injection from Big Pharma is not some kind of moral failing. It's working with the best that science has to offer right now for my level of disease progression.

To personalize it, for me, makes it seem as though I am some how responsible for never getting sick again and if I am left blind or disabled or unable to stay awake it is my own fault that I just didn't *Fight* hard enough.

That is more responsibility than I am willing to take on.

Your mileage may vary.