Tuesday, February 8, 2011

This is counting toward my daily writing total

I don’t have enough time or energy to work on my project and blog in the same day. Today… the blog wins. I’m in sort of a weird space right now.

On one hand I joined SparkPeople last year to try to lose some weight because I am unhappy with the way I look.

On the other hand I have some wonderful friends who are open and passionate about fat acceptance.

On one hand I completely love and accept their fat and the fat of others. On the other hand, I hate my own fat and will do what it takes to get rid of it.

What it takes to get rid of it does NOT include crash diets, pills, potions, powders, enemas, "cleanses" or hocus pocus.

What it does take is being mindful of the fuel I put in my body and taking the time and spending the energy to move that body.

I am NEVER going to be 115 lbs because I would look and feel sick if I was. I am, however, going to be 135 - 140 lbs and be strong. I hate my fat because it means, right now, that I have not been taking care of my body. But I am trying to change that.

I was talking with the MS nurse today and told her about doing cardio and weight training. She agreed that it was good for me. She told me that building lean muscle mass can help me recover from a relapse. Deconditioning, rather than nerve damage, can be the cause of many symptoms of weakness and instability. If you’re in good condition before the relapse it takes a lot longer to decondition and makes getting back in condition easier. Muscles have memory and triggering that memory can make recovery happen in half the time.

So, I’m trying to get in shape because I want a strong, fit body, not a skinny, helpless one. I am trying to get in shape because I’m watching my grandmother lose her mind slowly because she did not take care of her body. I’m trying to get into shape because my three dead grandparents didn’t take care of their hearts. I’m trying to get into shape because I love me enough to not want to be trapped in a body that doesn’t work. If MS takes my body, it’s not going to do it without a fight.

And when I manage to get my body back to where I feel sexy and together again, I hope you won’t sneer that I’m buying into some gender –normative social construct beauty myth.

1 comment:

  1. I won't sneer cuse when you get buff I would be scared that you could crush me.

    Working towards fitness should never be frowned upon, and it should never be considered fat phobic. Its how you feel in your own skin that matters, not anyone else's perception of what that skin should feel like.