Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Trail Becomes a Rut


1. Being vague about what you want.
2. Not making a serious commitment.
3. Procrastinating and excuse making – no time, wrong time, dog ate my homework.
4. Being unwilling to go through the awkward phase.
5. Not setting up a tracking and reminder system.
6. Expecting perfection, falling into guilt, shame, regret.
7. Trying to go it alone.
8. Telling yourself self-limiting rut stories.
9. Not having backup plans.
10. Turning slip-ups into give-ups.

From This Year I Will… M.J. Ryan – Broadway Books (2006) p.8-9
If you are like me at all, you get so fed up with your life that all you can do is maintain the status quo to the detriment of your personal wellbeing or all you want to do is start indulging in really, really destructive behaviours until you die. Or get fired. Or divorced. Or whatever.

When I was diagnosed with MS I found that,

a) I have another human being in my life who was counting on me to get as better as I could so we get our future in order together, and

b) I did not have the money, energy or youthful body I once had to set myself up for a downward spiral.

Last August I got my wakeup call. I found out that I was the fattest I had ever been in my life. I was crazy with menopausal symptoms, I hated my job and I just wasn’t happy with anything in my life. So I started trying to change.

And I did for a while until I stopped. I had a MS setback for a couple of days and just never picked back up where I left off when I was better. I knew that I was happier when I was doing the stuff I had decided that I wanted to do, but I had a killer case of the “Ah, fuck it”s.

I get those a lot.

In December I read a review of this book, though I can’t seem to find it now. It was on sale for $13 or something and I was already purchasing a book for my dad so that pushed me over the $25 threshold to get free shipping. Ta Dah! I had a book that might help.

Last night I re-read the first chapter of This Year I Will…, The Adventure of Living Your Dreams, and remembered why I thought that this particular book might actually help.

1) The author makes no time sensitive promise: “A New You in 30 Days” “Fix Your Life in 72 Hours”

2) states that people are capable of change in fundamental ways.

3) that giving up an old habit is really starting a new habit.

4) that there is no “one size fits all” answer, formula or system that will help people change.

So we are standing on the precipice of either jumping off or staying where we are. This is pre-contemplation. This is necessary. The questions I’m asking myself tonight are posed in Chapter One as examples of what others did before making a life change.

“What Will Truly Make You Happy”?

“What’s the Price of Not Changing”?

I’ve had my wakeup call. I’ve experienced some success, yet there are things that are driving me nuts about my life. That’s why I’m here, asking the questions.

So – where do I want to go with this? That’s why I am here. I have been informed that I can achieve what I set out to do, if I only have the skills and tools necessary to do them.

Go. Forward.

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