Crosses fingers

Let's just hope that the $$$ I just paid for Remember the Milk's Blackberry sync is worth the cost. Maybe buzzing and laser shooting sounds will break me away from the habit of just sitting.

It lives.

I've been better for a few days, but I've come to this empty text box so many times and nothing comes out.

I've been on Wellbutrin for three weeks now and other than a little more energy, I still hate my life and wish for it to be over. This is what they call "situational depression". The facts of my life suck, therefore I am depressed. There ain't a legal drug on the planet that's going to change that reality.

I go in for my fourth mitoxantrone treatment on Tuesday. My immune system will be on the upswing when my birthday happens.

On Friday I go to an agency that specializes in helping the disabled find work. I'm pretty sure that I am going to have another frustrating time trying to explain to someone that this is permanent, but the issues change minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, etc. etc. The last person I was trying to deal with acted like I was making it up and couldn't seem to understand MS is chronic, probably progressive, there is no cure and I'm not mentally retarded as a result.

I am going to go back to bed I think.

Ah habba code

Half dead with the plague, back next week.

Following up.

I met with my neurologist yesterday.

I have measurable improvement, I'm to stay on the anti-depressants & I can book my next mito treatment.

He thinks that we might be in a position to hold back the sixth treatment as an insurance policy if I get sick again. We'll look at me again in November. He seem disinterested in how I was feeling but very interested in the spasticity in my left leg.

I just lost feeling in my right thumb and then it came back after a few seconds. It's when stuff like that happens that I realize that I can never have a normal life, because there's constant reminders of my condition. My body won't let me forget I have MS.

Chang gave Joe and me the plague and it's not cool. I've got to be over this shit before I can get my next round of treatment!

Codeine cough syrup FTW!

Summer time... and the living is easy? Really?

It took me three days to recover from getting my back overheated on Thursday. I used cold ice packs, I rested, I even resorted to some NSAIDs just in case I was beginning an inflammatory response.

This shit is difficult for me to tolerate. I don't like being outside at the best of times so having MS has really contributed to turning my dislike of outside into something close to agoraphobia.

I see my neurologist on Monday morning. Then I should get my date for my next mito. Me thinks that it can't come a moment too soon. I've been feeling like crap for 2.5 days and a bag of steroids just might be what the Dr. ordered. I am going to ask my doctor if maintenance doses of solumedrol are possible.

I've been on the max dose of Wellbutrin for a week, and it doesn't feel like any thing's different at all. I've had no side effects, my world is sucking far more than it sucked a week ago, and I'm not sure how anti-depressants fix a situational depression. I'm going to ask about that too.

If I had a gun, I'd put a bullet in my brain.

I guess it's an even better thing that I live in Canada. I don't have the dexterity and reaction time or the money to afford to take the FAC course, and I wouldn't pass the psychiatric test to get a rifle or a handgun.

I never get to do anything.