Friday, August 7, 2009


I am grateful for my kick-ass husband who has tolerated more bullshit than any husband in the world should have to tolerate over the past 9 months. I am grateful that he's stuck by me, been my cheer leader, loved me when I couldn't see or stay awake, and been he's nutjob self whenever he could.

I am grateful for my mum and dad, my sisters Julie and Tracey and my brother Steve who have accepted me and my illness with a grace and tolerance I didn't think I would get from them. I am grateful that no matter what has happened in the past, they're willing to rally around me.

I am grateful for my in-laws who have offered so much support to their son and offered me good will and patience, and never have made Joe question his decision to marry me and move to Canada. Their love for their son has made them the man that he is, and that's to my benefit.

I am grateful for my friends who have shown up for me in a thousand little ways, with phone calls, emails, songs, visits, wine, and hope. They've put up with my freakouts, craziness and general negativity with a tolerance I'm not sure I could muster for another human being. I am humbled by their love too.

Notice that my gratitude is for real people, doing real things, for real people. Ponder that for a moment before I begin to make things crystal fucking clear.

I am NOT going to be "grateful" that I don't have incredibly bad symptoms of a disease. I am not going to be "grateful" that I don't have the worst form of this disease.

I am not going to be grateful, because it's not like I chose what kind of disease I was going to have, or that my disease woke up one morning and said, "Yanno, I think I'm going to go easy on her for a while."

I reserve gratitude for people and things who do something amazing to help me, and I am grateful when I can do something good for someone else.

I am not going to be grateful that something bad isn't happening to me, because "It could be worse" is the biggest fucking insult to my intelligence I can't even explain how angry it makes me.

There, that feels better.

Went to the physiotherapist today. Got some great exercises to do. All I need to do now is get some balls so I can do them.

(snicker all you want)

I need a tennis ball, a ball larger than that, and another ball no larger than a volleyball to do this exercise to improve my coordination when walking. It's really simple but more difficult than you think.

I have my work cut out for me.


  1. Lori, as a fellow ms sufferer with about the worst form of this miserable stuff that you can get, I would say you do have your work cut out for you. You should be grateful that you do not have the worst form, that you do not have the worst symptoms and that you can still do many things. I cannot walk, am confined to a wheelchair, need help with almost everything I do. But, I have the best husband and caregiver in the world and after 52 years of marriage we are still in love. I have been diagnosed for 12 years, steadily going downhill and still I am grateful for so many things! Take a deep breath, Lori, and be grateful.

  2. I don't respond well to any comment that starts with "You should..."

    Your words don't ring true to me.

    Also, if I were in your position, I would've flown to Switzerland and ended my life.

    That's more like the truth for me.

    You can have your gratitude. I'll have mine.

  3. You have many wonderful people to be grateful for in your life. That is a special gift and I'm glad for you.

    Now looking for all of those balls for PT, that will be a mini challenge. Good luck, but shouldn't be too difficult since it is still summertime.

  4. I'm thinkin about going down to the sports recycler and getting a tennis ball, a softball and a volleyball.

    I think that would work for the tree sizes.