Thoughts.

I need a job so incredibly bad I can taste it. I need to *do* something other than ride my stationary bike, cross-stitch, writing and playing Mafia Wars. Even FarmTown has lost its charms.

It rained today. It rained an unholy downpour that beat against the roof so loudly I couldn't hear the TV. It was beautiful straight rain that quickly over flowed the eavestroughs and reminded me of another time and place.

I am thinking about putting the parental control on CNN so neither Joe or I can lose our minds over the health care debate in the US. Attention Americans: demonize "Canadian-style" or the NHS all you want. Congress isn't offering you either kind.

Shelley's project is done in principle, but not completed enough to send. Sammy's is close to completion. I am totally stumped about what to do for Jen.

I am just finishing my second month of Wellbutrin. I have not killed myself. Success. (?)

My mom had my sister send a wedding photo of my great grandparents. My great-grandpa was quite a handsome man. My great-grandma looks sweet and happy to be with him and I think I got her nose. This continues the trend of family members that I don't look like but have features in common with.

I've been sitting here for a while wondering what else there is to say, and I really don't know. I'm still unhappy. I still get frustrated when my body doesn't work correctly. I'm tired of people trying to tell me how I should feel. I'm tired of insomnia. I'm tired of the unexpected and the randomness that goes with MS. I'm really tired of having to remember everyday that this is an illness that I'm not going to recover from. There's no treatment for this. There's really no stopping it.

I only cry a couple of times a week now, which I suppose is progress. But every time I realize that there's something wrong with me it's like a kick in the face.