I've been doing well, both physically and mentally, for a while now.
I haven't used a cane in almost a year. I haven't overheated in the shower in almost two years. I have been able to run in short bursts, I only randomly lose my balance a couple times a day, and I can make it through 18 hour day without a nap.
Those are all really good things; things that I thought would be impossible three years ago.
In the grand scheme of all things MS, I'm practically benign. I don't do much of anything to help my condition except take vitamin D, do some purposeful exercise every day, and to eat and sleep well 80% of the time. I've been off Copaxone since April, I think.
I'm trying to make some goals and build a more fabulous life for myself, but the whole time there's this tiny voice whispering "Until you get sick again."
It's all a great plan "until I get sick again". Everything revolves around "when I get sick again".
Why bother starting? "When I get sick again" is just going to take it all away.
I was off Copaxone for about a year before I relapsed. Now I'm back to taking it every day. Like you, I don't really notice the disease on a daily basis. On 95 degree days my hands and legs will tingle; MS' way of reminding me not to get too comfortable. I consider myself lucky and, like you, fall in to a false sense of security. Not to worry, though. The MS always reminds me who is in charge.
ReplyDeleteeventually, we're all going to die. so what is the point of doing anything at all. we're all going to get old before then so what's the point in doing anything at all. any one of us who seem healthy could get hit by a bus tomorrow and end up disabled or dead. so what's the point of doing anything at all.
ReplyDeletethe point is, you may not get sick again or anytime soon. we all want to look back when we're old an think - "yeah, I had a good run", and no one is guaranteed a long healthy happy life. It's up to us to create that along the way for ourselves.
Quit your fucking whining and DO SOMETHING, BE SOMETHING, ENJOY SOMETHING. What if's should be beaten into silence.