Showing posts with label listography. Show all posts
Showing posts with label listography. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Listography 12B - List Your New Year's Resolutions

(There isn't an actual list in the book called this. I made it up given the time of year.)

This list is a work in progress. I will come back as I see fit.

92% of resolutions fail because they're just an outcome that fails to account for the process of getting to the outcome. This might be useful information for those people trying to build a list of resolutions.

In the Year of Our Lady Two Thousand and Ten, I hereby resolve to:

1. Bring sexy back.
2. Get some (literal not metaphorical) balls and put them to proper use.
3. Join the cocktail class.
4. Engage in some hockey related rioting.
5. Just Dance.
6. Take this job and shove it.
7. Ladies Night, oh what a night. (Erin, Donna, I'm looking at you. You too Adrienne.)
8.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Listography 12 - List your Favourite Toys when you were a Child

It's that time of year, The Day That Shall Not Be Named, so this seems like a pretty good list to do. I don't remember a lot about my past, for reasons that I really, really don't want to get into other than to say, "No, my parents didn't abuse me." Moving right along...

I remember having a teddy bear that I wore out. It only had one eye, it might have started out pink, but it was sort of a weird fleshtone in the parts that weren't just the sheer fabric that held the plush. It had a huge head and not much of a body.

I don't have any idea what happened to it or even when it went away.

I loved playing Barbies with Natalie when I was a kid. She had the Barbie Chalet and I had the Camper Van.

The last Xmas I believed in Santa Claus was the one when I got my Cabbage Patch Kid "preemie" named Juliette Clarette.

My sister Julie got a CPK before that Christmas and her's was named Julia Clara. My other sister got hers at the same time I did, and it was a boy preemie named Alon Gunther.

Why do I remember this shit when I can't even remember what I had for breakfast?

My favourite "toy" after that was MTV on the satellite dish. 1984 was the year, and Michael Jackson, Madonna and Duran Duran were my heroes until I saw the Eurythmics. To this day I have wanted to be able to rawk an Annie Lennox hair cut, but my hair is too stupid to not just stand straight up on end.

-----

In other news, there is pretty much no household chore that a couple of Cosmopolitans can't make better.

You won't get any seasonal well wishes from me. I'm not a Christian and I'm not interested. I'll be sending greetings, salutations and even gifts in the new year.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Listography 10 - List your Favourite Restaurants

I'm not really what you would call a "foodie". By this I mean I prefer to eat food cooked by someone else but I never really get attached to a restaurant. I am more attached to a style of cuisine. Every single time I find an establishment that I love more than anything, the food begins to SUCK or something bad happens.

That happened with my favourite Italian place on Queen St.
That happened with Sala Thai on Burrard.
That happened with Red Fort on Queensway.
That happened with Sushi King on the Drive.
That happened with Subeez over by the library.
Kishu Island Sushi burned to the ground a month or so ago.

So I am not going to curse any of the places I currently love by making it known that I love them.

To be honest though, I'm just as happy to grab a burger at Wendy's or heat some rice stuff up in the microwave. I tend to look at food as fuel and a headache preventative rather than something to be fussed about. If I am hungry and it takes more than 30 seconds thought and 5 to 10 minutes to prepare and get to eating, I'm just as likely not to eat at all.

Of course, I make the exception for purveyors of food that deliver to my house. I'll wait 30 to 45 minutes for that.

I hope the next list is more interesting for all of us.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Listography 9 - List the People You Love the Most

(Other than the first three the remainder of the list is random as long as its understood that I love Lady Gaga MORE than Simon, Finn and Virgil. Possibly combined.)

1. Joe Kidwell
2. My mum.
3. My grandma.
4. Erin
5. Drew
6. Joe's mum.
7. Lady Gaga
8. Simon
9. Smart people.
10. Mrs. Gillespie (though I'm pretty sure she's dead. What the hell, I'll add dead people to this list.)
11. Finn
12. Whomever created the Colagallo. (It's a cocktail that includes tequila AND Coca-Cola!)
13. Louise Arbour
14. Coco Chanel (see? More dead people!)
15. Virgil
16. Cathy Hickson (also dead, but most of you don't know her)
17. Sherry Trafford? Meuris?
18. Christian Louboutin
19. Oscar
20. Ben
21. Donna

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Listography 8 - List Things Most People Probably Don't Know About You

1. My bladder is one-third larger than it should be.
2. I only watch The Grinch Who Stole Christmas up to the point where the Grinch steals Christmas and then I change the channel.
3. My favourite holiday is my birthday, but I tell everyone its Thanksgiving.
4. Pepsi is NEVER a substitute for Coca-Cola.
5. My heroes are Louise Arbour, Margaret Cho and Joe Kidwell.
6. I know the lyrics to every Def Leppard song from the Pyromania and Hysteria albums.
7. I don't like plain chocolate, even really expensive plain chocolate. I need to have nuts, caramel or nougat in it for me to eat chocolate.
8. I've never had cornbread. I had never had biscuits and gravy until I was 33.
9. I am pro-gun control mostly because people like me should never be allowed to own guns.
10. I cry every day, but I never do it in front of anyone.
11. I realized that I felt bad about not having a relationship with either of my sisters because it makes my mum feel bad, but I would LOVE to have a greater relationship with my brother.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Listography 6 - List your biggest fears

I briefly considered numbering these, but rejected the idea. I know I have fears, I am unsure that I want to know how many.

I will go blind again.
I will lose the ability to walk.
I will lose my mind.
I will amount to nothing.
I will hate every job I have for the rest of my working life.
My working life won't be as long as it could've been.
I will always be fat.
I will never walk in heels again.
Some how, some way, my love of cosmetics is the reason why I got MS.
Getting blown up by a bomb.
Freezing to death.
Living past age 90.
I have ruined Joe's life.
Ugly shoes will be all I can safely wear.
Conservative Christians of the Batshit Crazy variety.
I'll never figure out how to translate misanthropy and organization into a money making venture.
Stephen Harper and his Conservatives with a majority government.
NASCAR
Wal Mart
I will be arrested and charged with a crime I did not commit.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Listography 5 - List your past jobs

At some point in your working life you just have to admit to yourself that your personality is not well suited to certain forms of human interaction and then try desperately to earn a living that doesn't make you want to kill yourself.

I have yet to find that way. So here is my list of crazy bosses jobs I have had since moving to BC.

1. Actually, my first boss was pretty cool. HER boss was a little nuts. But it was retail sales in the mall closest to the richest people. Meeting sales quotas was easy. Then the boss sued the parent company, the parent company shut the store down, and we were all out of jobs. I was two weeks short of qualifying for any kind of severance.

2. Receptionist for a biotech firm. My boss was anal retentive to the point where a fax sent to order lunch had to be typed and approved by her. Because hand written could send the wrong message. I quit after three months to take...

3. Secretary to a union. This job started out great. The hours were good, the pay was good, the benefits excellent. Then the boss started getting angry at me for things that had happened 6 months earlier that I we had already resolved. The final straw - I caught him doing something illegal in the lunch room the day before I told his wife he was in Edmonton when he had told her he was at his place in the US. I thought he was having an affair. I ended up getting very sick with an intestinal parasite and instead of returning to work 6 weeks later I was laid off.

Odd twist to this little story. The guy is now doing time. Not an affair after all.

4. I did some temping at UBC and various and sundry mining companies sitting in front of phones that didn't ring.

5. Legal services. My boss had unrealistic expectations of how thorough my training was by a woman who hated me literally on sight. My department went bye-bye a year and a bit later, and I got my next job while I was still getting severance from this one.

6. CARTOONS. Actually, no one involved in this workplace was crazy. I so wish this had been more of a job. Getting to help with the creation of a Saturday morning cartoon and the related merchandising was very cool. Too bad that what there was to do wasn't enough to justify a full time job. Fun workplace though. Three month contract ended up turning into nothing.

7. NFP business association. I thought that the board was cool, but it turns out they're screwing me over for a reference because I got sick with MS 6 months into my employment there. My boss and I didn't really get along, and apparently the boss wins over the hired help in those circles.

8. Pirate chasing! A great opportunity to find out if I had the energy and stamina to take on the working world again, and I can and I am back out in that world. Donna and crew are a bit geekier than I'm used to, but a righteous bunch of people who seemed happy with my work. Sad that there's no way to sign on as a full time employee, because I would do it in a second.

9. Assistant to an accountant. - Dial-up internet, foot powered dictaphone transcription, technology explanations that go no where and being treated like I'm a fucking tool because the 8 year old software busted today, the company no longer supports that version, and doesn't offer support advice for any product in that line before 2004. When I tell the accountant who's the admin on that program, she takes all the information I gathered, talks to me like I'm lying, calls the company tech support again and gets told the *exact* *same* *thing* and then continues to tell me how to file, how to make labels, and how to make coffee like I'm new.

Here I am again with a job I hate because its the only opportunity that's presented itself. I got the head up on a federal government temp job, which I have just spent a half hour making my resume boring enough to show that I meet the Merit Criteria.

Hopefully my Employment Equity (EE) status pushes me over the top.

Not that working for The Man seems like fulfillment of a lifelong dream, but at least I'll be adequately compensated for my time. Because, when its all said and done, a little financial security can go a long way at allowing me to keep my wits about me.

Reviewing this list is really depressing. Eight jobs in just over 6 years, though I'm not sure if 3 of them count. (Retail, biotech and cartoons) So 5 jobs in 6 years. That's depressing. It really drives home how stupid my life is.

I'm going to eat one of my 77 pieces of Halloween candy.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Listography 4 - List your favourite films

This list is by no means exhaustive, and other than the first one, are listed in no particular order. The list is mostly the films I will watch again and again.

1. Casablanca - Hands down my favourite movie. I have watched in dozens of times and will drop anything I am doing to watch it if I come across it on TV. I aspire to write such a timeless screenplay, knowing full well I never will. Romance, international conflict, unrequited love, smoking, espionage, bizarre love triangle, snarky best friends, drinking and Nazis = perfect.

(here's where it gets random... just as they pop into my head.)

Superbad - I laughed until I cried and fell in love with Seth Rogan in the meantime.

Chasing Amy - Because I've been my own version of Alyssa. Because I've chased an Amy. I've been the chased Amy.

Bitch, what you don't know about me I can just about squeeze in the Grand fucking Canyon.

Sick: The Life & Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist - I saw this movie a while after one of my life's closest friends died of Cystic Fibrosis. Bob Flanagan was the oldest living survivor of CF when he died at the age of 44. He and his friends and family believed that it was his daily beatings from his dominatrix wife that kept him alive as long as he was. He also does something very *graphic* with a hammer, nail and pressure treated lumber. (shudder) Long story long, the last little bit of the film shows his death in fairly disturbing terms.

I hadn't been there for my friend as she was dying, but I felt like watching that film somehow closed that book for me, and I could stop feeling guilty about not being there when she died. I remember walking the couple of blocks from the theatre to the car with my date in absolute silence because anything I had to say about the film wouldn't say enough.

Being John Malkovich Because John Malkovich is creepy and being him would be terrifying.

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure - Teenage escapist fare. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.

Michael Clayton - because I do love me some good legal drama.

Reservoir Dogs - a film about a jewelery store robbery that never takes place in a jewelery store is a brilliant piece of film making.

I'm the One That I Want - Margaret Cho saved my life two days before my 30th birthday with this quote.

I’m not going to die because I failed as someone else. I’m going to succeed as myself.

It's getting close to shut down time here, so I think I'm going to end it with an explanation free list

Baise Moi
Brave Little Toaster
Hotel Rwanda
Bad Lieutenant
Sin City
Breakfast at Tiffany's
American History X
The Godfather II
The Shawshank Redemption
Todo sobre mi madre (All About my Mother)
Roman Holiday
William Shakespear's Romeo and Juliet
Taxi Driver
Double Indemnity
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
The Usual Suspects
Happy Gillmore
Lock, Stock and Two Smokin Barrels
Gran Torino
Fubar
The Sweet Hereafter
Dazed and Confused
The Sixth Sense
Paris is Burning
To Kill a Mockingbird
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Seven
The Sound of Music
12 Angry Men
Silence of the Lambs
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
LA Confidential
The Jungle Book

Friday, October 23, 2009

Listography 2 -List your closest friends

(I stopped having "best friends" when I was 20. So this is a list of the people that I enjoy spending time with for various and sundry reasons.)

1. Joe - he's my husband, the only person in my life I see daily, and I think he's hot.

2. Simon - he's my upstairs neighbour, the only person in my life I see 3 or 4 times a week, and I used to be his live in girlfriend. I've learned to edit what I say to him much more than I did when we were together, and he's not attractive to me anymore since he grew the beard back.

3. Donna - she's my boss lady, and I find her funny, engaging and I agree with her more often than I don't. She's also got a killer smile.

4. Erin - she's my friend because she is funny and I disagree with her more often than I do. She's also a good sport when my husband man-handles her. (That's his way of showing affection. He only man-handles the ones he loves.)

5. Jeanine - she's the best person to watch hockey with and I don't do it nearly enough.

6. Sam - he's the sweetest fellow I know, a wonderful influence on Joe and I don't get to spend nearly enough time with him. If he convinces John Waters to adopt him, I hope he'll find a way for me to become his sister.

7. Sarah - she's my peer support volunteer from the MS Society of Canada - BC and Yukon Territory. She's really good at reminding me that I have limits but not limitations, though sometimes I think she isn't comfortable with how able I am and she is not.

8. The Fox - a new friend via the internet, it is really interesting and comforting to find that there are other people in the world who understand the basics of where you've been and where you want to go.

Like the late 70s, early 80s sitcom

Eight is Enough