Listography 4 - List your favourite films

This list is by no means exhaustive, and other than the first one, are listed in no particular order. The list is mostly the films I will watch again and again.

1. Casablanca - Hands down my favourite movie. I have watched in dozens of times and will drop anything I am doing to watch it if I come across it on TV. I aspire to write such a timeless screenplay, knowing full well I never will. Romance, international conflict, unrequited love, smoking, espionage, bizarre love triangle, snarky best friends, drinking and Nazis = perfect.

(here's where it gets random... just as they pop into my head.)

Superbad - I laughed until I cried and fell in love with Seth Rogan in the meantime.

Chasing Amy - Because I've been my own version of Alyssa. Because I've chased an Amy. I've been the chased Amy.

Bitch, what you don't know about me I can just about squeeze in the Grand fucking Canyon.

Sick: The Life & Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist - I saw this movie a while after one of my life's closest friends died of Cystic Fibrosis. Bob Flanagan was the oldest living survivor of CF when he died at the age of 44. He and his friends and family believed that it was his daily beatings from his dominatrix wife that kept him alive as long as he was. He also does something very *graphic* with a hammer, nail and pressure treated lumber. (shudder) Long story long, the last little bit of the film shows his death in fairly disturbing terms.

I hadn't been there for my friend as she was dying, but I felt like watching that film somehow closed that book for me, and I could stop feeling guilty about not being there when she died. I remember walking the couple of blocks from the theatre to the car with my date in absolute silence because anything I had to say about the film wouldn't say enough.

Being John Malkovich Because John Malkovich is creepy and being him would be terrifying.

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure - Teenage escapist fare. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.

Michael Clayton - because I do love me some good legal drama.

Reservoir Dogs - a film about a jewelery store robbery that never takes place in a jewelery store is a brilliant piece of film making.

I'm the One That I Want - Margaret Cho saved my life two days before my 30th birthday with this quote.

I’m not going to die because I failed as someone else. I’m going to succeed as myself.

It's getting close to shut down time here, so I think I'm going to end it with an explanation free list

Baise Moi
Brave Little Toaster
Hotel Rwanda
Bad Lieutenant
Sin City
Breakfast at Tiffany's
American History X
The Godfather II
The Shawshank Redemption
Todo sobre mi madre (All About my Mother)
Roman Holiday
William Shakespear's Romeo and Juliet
Taxi Driver
Double Indemnity
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
The Usual Suspects
Happy Gillmore
Lock, Stock and Two Smokin Barrels
Gran Torino
Fubar
The Sweet Hereafter
Dazed and Confused
The Sixth Sense
Paris is Burning
To Kill a Mockingbird
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Seven
The Sound of Music
12 Angry Men
Silence of the Lambs
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
LA Confidential
The Jungle Book

In honour of the 114,433 Canadians who have died in service of our nation

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning.

We will remember them.

And furthermore,

I didn't get the job because I physically couldn't walk to her office and wouldn't have been able to get there if there was anything like snow at all.

Joe is going to quit school after this semester because even if I get a job he can't rely on me to stay employed. After we get caught up he'll figure out how to go back part time.

I have failed. Everything I promised Joe when he moved here is now lost. If it wasn't just another fucking expense I would kill myself. I'm pretty much useless now if I can't even pull my own weight around here.

My dad is right. I totally deserve this because this is the life that I chose and I failed to plan for all possible outcomes.

I feel like I've been repeatedly punched in the face. I can't stop crying. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of losing absolutely everything.

Kill me now.

I have just been rejected by the Province of BC for disability benefits because Joe is a full-time student. The requirement is that we have to apply for regular welfare benefits as a family and then see if I can get the disability supplement on top of that. Between the two of us we would be allowed to make $500 a month. I can feel free to re-apply when he quits school to look for gainful employment.

The application for Canada Pension Plan disability benefits will take 3 to 6 months and I will probably have to appeal that, making it a year or more before I either get a cheque or am told I don't qualify. (I've been told that people with MS not in wheelchairs are rejected close to 75% of the time, and only win appeals in 30% of those cases.)

MS has destroyed my life, and now it's quickly destroying Joe's. If I don't find a job very, very quickly, everything we have will be gone- our apartment, our electricity, phones and internet. I have 8 days to come up with a plan before everything starts to be taken away from us.

Joe doesn't deserve this. He deserves a good wife who can fulfill the promises she made him when he moved to this godforsaken country.

I need a job. That's the only option at this point.

A Note to You:

H1N1 - If you know me and are thinking about coming to visit when you don't feel well, please refrain. I have been immuno-suppressed for the past week and only now is my immune system on the rebound. Due to this I can't receive my vaccine for another week to 10 days and I can't receive a seasonal flu shot until mid-December. I also don't shake hands any more, and limit my physical contact with people who have daily contact with children or at-risk communities. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just trying to prevent getting sick.

Thanks.