I haven't thought about killing myself in over two years. (I think)
I haven't done anything damaging to my life or my relationship or my continued employability in well over 7 years.
Today I was forced to think about the graphic details of my own history with depression. I was talking to someone I love very much (and who's association in my life will remain confidential) who's life imploded on Friday. Relationship, home, security, everything just gone because this person couldn't deal with their depression. That sucks. I offered what little I had, but mostly I just listened.
The Crazy (as I like to call it) is irrational. What's balls about it is that most people I know with it are some of the most logical, rational and reasoned people I know... and among the smartest I know as well. I know my biggest problem has often been reasoning myself out of a reason to live.
Wellbutrin and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy saved my life. The Wellbutrin kept me from killing myself long enough for the therapy to work, and a few years later I'm not on Wellbutrin or in therapy any more. But that wasn't a quick fix and I suspect that I am not even close to sane.
But I'm employed, my relationship with my husband is awesome, my friends are great and I've got some sort of a plan - as vague as that is - and as far as I am concerned that kind of peace of mind is good enough. Happiness is fleeting. I'll take content.
***
Had We're Awesome Lunch with my friend Erin today.
We're doing pretty good. We've both come a long way in the past two years. So we had lunch in Yaletown to celebrate our Collective Awesome.
We're doing pretty good. We've both come a long way in the past two years. So we had lunch in Yaletown to celebrate our Collective Awesome.
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