I've just finished my second week back and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the bathroom at work... and it hit me like a tonne of bricks.
Let me fill you in on this. I work for an elderly man who should have been retired 20 years ago. Or more. He has no clients come to the office. He solicits no new business. He has not changed his business practices since 1976 and hasn't upgraded any of his technology or software since 2003. His office is still on dial-up.
So, all I have to do is shut up and type, file, make statements and answer the phone. He does not care what we wear to work, he cares that we show up for work.
I'm fairly certain that his assistant accountant has come to work in her pyjamas multiple times.
I'm really certain that his office assistant who's working on the archival/document destruction project wore the same clothes to work three days in a row last week.
After looking in the mirror at work I'm pretty sure that I stopped giving a shit. My clothes are clean and I don't look like an unmade bed. I didn't, however, put product in my hair or put on make up. I wore board shorts and skate shoes, a tshirt and a hoodie, a baseball cap and a pair of knock off Wayfarers. I carried a massive black and white tote bag because it is big enough to hold all my crap AND two bottles of wine or four liters of soup.
I realized that I wore something similar on Wednesday and Tuesday and pretty much all last week. I stopped giving a shit about how I look the day after I returned to work.
I have been here before, and I'm kind of pleased that I noticed after only two weeks. I am treating this as a wake-up call. I need a new job. I need one now. I can't have this job suck the life out of me for a second time.
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The last glass of wine (well a little shy of a standard serving) was not as yummy as the first and second nights, but still drinkable.
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I have never considered doing improvisational comedy as a hobby or interest (I'm more of a stand-up kinda woman) but I am apparently going to the TheatreSports League Open Drop-In tomorrow afternoon. What the hell, I've got a husband trying to finish an album using his brand-new and completely awesome Reason software and who's started Week One of The Year of Calculus; it's not like we had plans.
LOL... I am going to the Improv Drop In for part of the same reason you need a new job. I rarely wear real clothes. I work from home. Literally 2 feet from my bed and tv. I roll out of my bed and into my computer chair. Some days... I roll out of computer chair and back into bed and do it all over again nearly every day of the week.
ReplyDeleteWhy bother getting dressed when no one sees me. I put on yoga pants (and no, I don't "do" yoga) and a hoodie to run to the grocery store or 7-11. I have made more of an effort this week to put on clothes that match and don't look like I did the "sniff'n'check" before I put them on because I have been getting up to walk my kid to school and then pick her up at 2:30.
Between trying to wind down, get the kids to bed, coming up with a trip plan to get to Granville Island I am also seriously panicking about what the fuck to wear tomorrow. It's going to be hot outside but cool inside. Need to be mobile while still looking current and not like a 40 year old trying to look like a 20 year old. None of my shit fits. Nothing seems to match anymore. I want to be comfortable but not sloppy.
THEN I realize I need a hair cut in the worst way. At least there are no roots or grey showing. Add to that, I haven't seen the awesome chick I'm hanging out with tomorrow on this fun new pass time in 20 freaking years!
ALL of that crap aside. I can't explain how incredibly excited I am about tomorrow. Stoopid excited. For a few reasons. First, I am finally going to do something that involves no other family member. This is for me. Not a bonding thing, hang out thing, just a ME thing. Second, I am finally venturing out into the expanded area I've lived in for 5 years but have not had the time to explore with or without the family. Third, I get to see a friend who I haven't seen in forever. Granted, we were not close in grade school or high school and have not made time to reacquaint while coincidentally living in the same Province, but I "think" we've been pretty good Facebook friends with much in common since adding each other in cyberspace. Fourth and probably the most important one - I CANNOT BAIL TOMORROW. I cannot decide at the eleventh hour that my getting to do something for me and only me is not as important as getting a few hours extra sleep, taking the little one to the park for the 52nd weekend in a row, be home for my step daughter to call if she might go out, or that the money could be better spent somewhere else. I have someone meeting me there. I have made "plans". I am committed to keeping those plans. I am also committed to at least one girly frilly booze based drink afterward, some serious catching up, laughing my fucking ass off and making other people laugh their fucking asses off.
So here's to 90 minutes on public transit (crap, gotta find a book to read) 3 transfers, some walking and a Saturday to be me. And here's to doing it with YOU!