"You could plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather."

Mackin' the Mito - Cytotoxicity Round Three!

Headache, tachycardia,(my new word of the DAY!) depression, left leg drop, anxiety... blah, blah, blah.

It would've been nice to know, oh, two months ago that my inflammatory response was so difficult to control that it will take me at best six months just to recover from that, let alone start seeing any real improvement toward my pre-symptom life.

Really, that could've been mentioned at ANY point before or after 3 February, Dr. R or J, RN. Jumpin' Jeebus on a pogo stick, that would've been AWESOME.

(There needs to be a "winky face" for *eyeroll*)

Plan of attack:

See family doctor before cardiologist.

See social worker before seeing the psychiatrist.

See cardiologist/Get MUGA scan (it's a MOVIE of your HEART pumpin' using OLD SKULE technology. It's very cool. I think I should own an MPEG of it. And a scrollable CD ROM of my last two MRIs. But I digress...)

See psychiatrist before seeing Dr. R to get some symptom relief.

See Dr. R for follow up on cardiology, chemo and symptom management.

If all this checks out I'm back for Round Four! in early July. I hope that I can do it in either two weeks before my birthday, or wait until after my birthday.

I'm averaging a level and a half each day in Mafia Wars and I'm up to level 53 with 116 mafia family members.

I need to surround myself in funny and hide from the world for a couple of days.

Kevin Smith or Seth Rogen? Both?

The steroids that I get with the chemo drugs are kicking my ass again, so I think I'll be going to bed *before* Jon Stewart tonight. I'll watch him online tomorrow. I'll try to send Joe down to the vid store to get me some luscious-comedic-man-with-tenuous-ties-to-Vancouver-made movies.

Things are not going the way I was hoping they would go. Things are things that I need to take a couple days hiding out from.

The title of this post is from the song "Ms. Jackson" by Outkast. (I prefer BOB, but this line was fitting.) I've been listening to Johnny Cash remixes and covers for days. If you've got any on mp3, gimme a shout out.

I'll close with this song that's NOT by Johnny Cash, but seems to fit with what he used to sing about and what I'm going through.

When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son?
One more son...
If you can hold on
If you can hold on,
hold on.

I wanna stand up, I wanna let it go
You know, you know - no, you don't, you don't.

I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand.

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take.
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no.

Help me out
Yeah, you know you gotta help me out.
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
You know you gotta help me out, yeah.

And when there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more son?

These changes ain't changing me
The cold-hearted boy I used to be.

Yeah, you know you gotta help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
You know you gotta help me out, yeah
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier. I got soul, but I'm not a soldier.
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier. I got soul, but I'm not a soldier.

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier. I got soul, but I'm not a soldier.
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier. I got soul, but I'm not a soldier.
I got soul, but I'm not a soldier. I got soul, but I'm not a soldier.

Yeah, you know you gotta help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
You know you gotta help me out, yeah.
You're gonna bring yourself down, yeah.
You're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the blackburner
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down

Over and out, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done.

All these things that I've done.

If you can hold on,
If you can hold on...

All These Things That I've Done - The Killers from the album "Hot Fuss"