Fraud

I don't know if you know this, but:

1. I have never seen a Star Wars movie.


2. I know "These are not the droids you are looking for.", "Luke, I am your father.", "Jedi mind trick",  and I know that someone loses a hand, at some point. I know these things mostly because of cultural references in movies and TV shows I have seen. Oh, and I know that Sam Jackson's light sabre is purple.


3. I have never seen a Star Trek movie. I have seen key scenes from the original series. I know what the trouble is with Tribbles, I have seen the Kirk gets it on with an alien scene, and I know "Vulcan mind meld". I know that yelling the word "KHAAANNNN" is somehow significant, as well.


4. Until two years ago I had never watched an entire episode of any version of Star Trek. I like Janeway, but Picard is going to be born on my 331st birthday, so we're awesome.


5. I love George Takei because he's fabulous and fierce. Not because he was on Star Trek.


6. I know the difference between  "Jedi mind trick" and "Vulcan mind meld" because I wanted to find out why Twitter was mad at President Barack Obama. Google knows everything.


7. I saw Doctor Who when I was in kindergarten or grade one. Polka Dot Door finished, I left the room, and when I came back there was a man in a dark room who looked like he had half turned into a cactus. He had all these spikes coming out of his face and head. It terrified me.
   
   I was almost 30 before I found out that Doctor Who wasn't in the horror genre.


8. I tried to LARP once. I ended up getting drunk at the bar across the street with the friend who brought me because someone decided that my "reason for being" wasn't proper to the story. Or something about my "progeny" not being plausible.
   
   It was a game about fucking vampires. THERE IS NOTHING PLAUSIBLE ABOUT THAT.
   
   RIP, Frank.


9. I read a Terry Pratchett book once. I don't remember a thing about it. I don't remember what it was called. I think it's possible there were some elves in it.


10. I read the four book trilogy The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to impress a guy. I don't know that it actually impressed him, but I do know that I understood many of his catch phrases and humour much better after reading it. All I remember at this point is "So long, and thanks for all the fish" and the answer to the ultimate question of life the universe and everything is 42.
    
    John, if you are reading this, yes, you were the guy I was trying to impress.
    
    No, I'm not proud of that.


11. I played a table-top, dice rolling, RPG once. It involved the apocalypse and body armour. Perhaps an earlier nuclear annihilation. I did this because...

Yanno what, I'm just going to blunt here... everything classically nerdy I have ever done was to impress a guy I liked, or because I was in the room when the guy I liked was doing something nerdy.

That's how I learned to play RISK. That's how I learned to play poker. That's how I found out about Monty Pyton. That's how I learned to follow NFL football.

Left to my own devices I nerd out over Supreme Court of Canada rulings, feminist intersectionality, economics, organizing books, productivity apps, style, current events, the NHL in general, and the Montreal Canadiens in specific.  Most of these things are particularly anti-social, but I'm fortunate to have at least a couple of them in common with my spouse. My "mindless, zone-out" activities are reading the only fiction author I like, Michael Slade, and playing Zynga/Facebook flash games.

Don't judge me.