Monday, May 6, 2013

Debrief - Part 1 of an Indeterminate Amount of Blog Posts

There's so many things that I want to say about Vancouver, but writing them down in the emotional turmoil of our quickly scheduled move seemed... unwise.

I landed in Vancouver on the evening of September 20, 2003.

I left Vancouver on the afternoon of April 25, 2013.

That's 6 months shy of 10 years. I had four apartments in that time. I dated five Vancouver-based people. I had 9 jobs; 13 if you include short-term temping. I was diagnosed with MS there. I found out who my friends were there.

Things I Totally Do Not Regret

  1. Getting on that plane.
  2. Dating Finn.
  3. Breaking up with Finn.
  4. Moving to East Van.
  5. "Growing up" here, for lack of a better description.
  6. Becoming friends with the women I became friends with.
  7. Not getting into yoga.
  8. Trying to stay in Vancouver.
  9. Falling in love.
  10. Deciding that Vancouver's latest rejection would be its last.

Maybe I missed a key developmental phase or something - but I never fell in love with the place.

As a city, it's kind of lame. No pedestrian culture and no grown-up drinking scene that isn't a plastic-coated freak-show straight out of the The Real Housewives of Vancouver (which is, shockingly, a real thing).

Everyone seem to spend their time and money trying to get away from there, either to the wilderness or Seattle. No one wants to really *live* there, it seems.

The pretty view doesn't pay the rent... and the view is only pretty when it isn't raining.

I never was smitten by the tourist brochures. I never felt a "soul" here because everything - and I mean everything but the Stanley Park cedars - seems so impermanent. It feels like nothing is established; like everything is temporary - including the people.

I said once before that Vancouver only felt like home when I was away from it. I realize now that "home" was about where my bed and my belongings were, not about the city in which those things resided. My new town will not feel like home until I get a proper bed to sleep in. Which given our financial situation, and Joe's new-found aversion to owning stuff, is going to be a long time.

I don't miss Vancouver, which isn't to say that I've fallen in love with this place either, but I really am glad I'm gone. 

I don't know what the future brings. My life is a blank slate as of May 1, 2013. I have an appointment with a temp agency on Wednesday morning. I am perpetually lost here and have no sense of direction unless I can figure out where the Detroit River is in relation to where I am, which is not very often. I'm going to start writing more; both this blog and my professional persona's.

But I do know what my past held, and I don't regret a minute of it. The two people who originally brought me to Vancouver haven't been a part of my life in 8 or 9 years at this point.

I loved them both at one time. I will always be grateful to them for being in my life exactly when they were. I would not be the person I am without them.

Confidential to E: You are the only person I cried over. You're the only person I still get teary-eyed about. I miss you so much.

I will probably return to Vancouver to visit any friends who might remain there in a year or so. I will never live there again. It turns out that I'm just not a "West Coast Person". I'm okay with that. I don't know that I am a "Southern Ontario Person", but I'm okay with that too.

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