Sunday, July 12, 2009

7 months.

Why does it seem like I've been dealing with MS crap forever, but it's only been 7 months?

Last night brought a lot of old friends to my door to help celebrate my birthday. It was lovely to see Matt, Paul, Korry, Cristin, Jessica and Dmitri again after so long and it was also great to meet Ray for the first time as well.

However, I was very conscious of the fact that I wasn't at the top of my game. I wasn't ready when people arrived. I wasn't comfortable in my clothes, I wasn't happy with my hair, and I was really uneasy about not wearing makeup in a social setting. So, therefore, there are no photos of my at my birthday party. I am much more accepting of that than if there were photos for me to obsess over and critique.

I'm not happy or comfortable in my own skin. Every hour brings yet another reminder that my body has betrayed me and I will never be capable of doing what I once did.

I am 12 hours and 15 minutes away from turning 35 and I have accomplished nothing and done nothing in my life that I am proud of.

My only plans for tomorrow are spending an hour with my psychiatrist.

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